


Off.

by Idjit_01



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Could Be Canon, Depressed Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Worried Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:40:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26944579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idjit_01/pseuds/Idjit_01
Summary: "Dean...?" He breathes as steadily as he can.Dean doesn't move. Cas can't tell if he recognizes him.He sighs. "Oh, Dean."Cas hovers over him."Can I touch you?"Dean doesn't refuse, but he doesn't nod either. Cas touches his cheek softly and feels Dean lean into it with a pained expression.OR Cas worries over Dean when he hears nothing of him for a while, so he decides to visit him.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Gabriel (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gabriel/Rowena MacLeod/Sam Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 63





	Off.

It's been two weeks since Cas has heared anything from Dean.

When he calls Dean's cell phone, it rings and rings until he runs out of battery.

When he calls the Bunker, he's lucky if Sam answers.

Sam doesn't know what's going on. He just knows Dean's apparently super busy, even though he hasn't seen him leave his room in days. He doesn't even know if he isn't out. The Impala is in the bunker, but Sam's been so busy between hunts and settling into a relationship with Gabe and Rowena that he hasn't been around to check on him.

Dean's texted him a few times, though. Sam thinks he sounded normal.

Consequently, Cas can't stop but think that Dean's mad at him, but he can't find out why. He goes over their interactions before Dean decided to freeze him out. There's nothing bad he's done he can think off.

Did he make a social mistake that he didn't know about? Maybe... Maybe Dean lied and resents him for his mistakes? Maybe Dean decided to finally kick out the useless broken angel that he is?

He's been trying to give him his space, but nothing's changing. Dean's even stopped thinking about him. Cas can't hear him praying anymore.

The nothingness makes his chest freeze and the air hard to catch. He needs to check in on Dean. He needs to know he's okay. Cas needs to know that _they_ are okay.

He looks up the time in Lebanon, Kansas in his smartphone. It's 4:16am. He tries waiting. He's pacing, running his hands through his hair. The turmoil in his mind won't stop driving him mad. What if Dean hates him? What if they're never going to be okay again? What if something happens to Dean and he can't save him? 

He can't wait. He smoothes his trenchcoat over himself and tries to breathe. He can't visit Dean if he's a mess. What if he's fussing over nothing? He just... He needs to see for himself. But he can't give away his worry, not with how uncomfortable that makes Dean. 

He inhales deeply, trying to focus on the noise of this breathing and his stomach filling with air. When he seems enough time has passed he breathes slowly out, focusing on his stomach deflating and the gush of air over the skin between his nose and upper lip.

He repeats the action a couple times. _He's okay_ , he thinks. _Everything will be okay. He just has to breathe and think logically. He can do this. He's an angel of the Lord, for fuck's sake._

Without opening his eyes he flies to the Bunker. 

He hears the shriek before he has time to even take another breath. His fingers are holding his angel blade unconsciously. He opens his eyes slowly, but alert and sighs in relied when he doesn't find any kind of menace surrounding him.

He is in the Bunker's kitchen. It's pretty messy, with glasses and plates filled with leftover sauce and crumbs bursting over the sink. The trash can is overflowing with candy wrappers and that's how he knows before he even sees him who shrieked when he flew over there.

"What's up, Cassie?" Gabe asks. "Why are you here at..." He looks at the kitchen's watch, whistling a tension-filled movie melody as he looks around. The melody turns into a sound of surprise when he notices the time. "4:27am?"

Cas shrugs, not knowing whether he should admit to his concerns to Gabe _in a pink bathrobe with rubber ducks drawn all over it_ of all people.

Gabe looks over where Cas is unconsciously looking and smirks, knowing that's the way to Dean's room and that Cas would answer if it wouldn't be about the hunter.

"Y'know? I don't wanna know." Gabe says, looking forward to getting back to his own hunter. He throws a Snickers candy wrappers into the bin –and when did he start eating it?— and leaves muttering something about lovebirds with their heads up their asses.

Cas blushes minutely, a frown taking over his expression when he remembers why he's in the Bunker. His skin starts feeling tingly again and his hands shake slightly, anxiety rising again.

He shakes his head and his hands until he feels steadier and walks over Dean's room, dreading whatever he will find when he gets there.

He hesitates at the door. What if Dean is sleeping? He wouldn't want to wake him up, Chuck knows how much he needs the few hours of rest he gets. He shakes his head, _he's an angel. He can avoid making noises percieved by humans and it's not as he can't make Dean fall asleep again. It can't be worse than anything his mind can come up with._

He doesn't notice he's been holding his breath until he finds a Dean-shaped lump on the bed and he finds himself releasing it in relief.

His frown returns though when he notices the acrid smell of the room. He tilts his head. For a second he can't help but doubt whether or not that's a corpse he's standing over.

He gets closer to the body. It doesn't stir. 

Cas is porpously making noise now. He needs to stir a reaction out of the lump. Heaven, he'd be even happy if he found himself with an angel blade brushing his throat right now. Anything would be better than this.

He can breathe again when he crouches over the side of the bed and feels Dean's breath on him. It smells awful, like rotten eggs, but at still he can tell he's still alive.

He looks up expecting closed lids and a soft expression. Hollow eyes meet him instead.

"Dean...?" He breathes as steadily as he can.

Dean doesn't move. Cas can't tell if he recognizes him.

He sighs. "Oh, Dean."

Cas hovers over him.

"Can I touch you?" 

Dean doesn't refuse, but he doesn't nod either. Cas touches his cheek softly and feels Dean lean into it with a pained expression.

Finally. 

Finally something.

He looks into Dean's eyes, caressing his face with his other hand. 

They stay like this until Cas's legs scream and he has to change into kneeling, and when that hurts as well and he has to sit in the floor.

It takes him a while to notice Dean's falling asleep.

It isn't until he hears voices coming from down the hall that Dean jolts awake.

"Hello, Dean." 

"Heya, Cas." Dean rasps out calmly. It feels off.

"What's going on with you?" Cas utters.

Dean hesitates.

Cas pleads. " _Dean._ "

Dean still fights himself for a bit. When he looks at Cas he seems to shrink, defeated. 

"Just..." Dean slurrs, talking as if the words are fighting to stay in his throat. "Having a hard time."

Cas tilts his head. _He can see that_. But _why_?

Cas is about to inquire on it when Dean turns around, facing away from him.

Cas knows this is Dean's way of saying he's done talking. He just hopes that's the only thing he's done with.

He stays there for a few seconds before deciding on a course of action.

Chicken soup. That's what people do for each other when they're sick, right?

Chicken soup, a talk with Sam to find out what's hurting Dean and trying to get him to take a shower or at least change his clothes and wash his teeth.

Cas caresses Dean's hair and squeezes his shoulder one last time before leaving and pouts. He's scared. Even though he has decided on a plan, he doesn't know how to _help_.

**Author's Note:**

> Oof, I just started uni again and it's not being easy on me.
> 
> I wanted to publish something for Mental Health Day (10th Oct) but I guess I'm late.
> 
> Things are hard, but they'll be fine eventually. They have to be.
> 
> Please take care of yourselves. I believe in you.
> 
> Don't be afraid to let me know what you think about this piece. Thanks for reading :)


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